


dandelions

by kageeze



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cigarettes, How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-05-26 21:47:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15010118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kageeze/pseuds/kageeze
Summary: how was yuta suppose to make wishes on dandelions that sprouted from his lungs?





	dandelions

**Author's Note:**

> so i wrote this because i was overtired and in the mood to write. its unbeta'ed so beware. i hope you enjoy and like the ending more than i did lolol
> 
> you can reach me on tumblr @ kageeze

 

_ 12:15 am _

 

the cigarette burns brightly in the dimly lit room. yuta holds it steadily in his right hand as he stares at the damp flower in his left. its wet from saliva and feels icky and cold. he can barely make out the dark center part of the flower but the tiny white petals shine brightly. 

 

yuta feels bitter starting at the flower. he wants to chuck it across the room but he knows that'll simply be a fruitless effort and it won't even make it a feet away. his phones sits silent on the coffee table. its still warm from the skype call that barely ended five minutes ago. doyoung had been surprised by yuta’s abrupt decision to go, but yuta couldn't hold the lump in his throat any longer. they had been on the call for over two hours and he had been proud for being able to last that long without heaving the flowers in front of doyoung. if the younger knew what was going on within yuta’s chest he wouldn't leave the older one alone. 

 

which would only make the tightness in his chest even worse. 

 

\- 

 

_ 7:53 pm _

 

“thanks for sticking around and helping me clean up, hyung.” doyoung says with a bright smile. yuta only waves away the sentiment, stacking the tiny red chairs in the corner of the room. 

 

doyoung works part-time at a daycare center. he's always been fond of kids and great working with them. he had the patience to put up with the tantrums and questions and constant mood shifts. yuta envied that ability.

 

“do you want to grab something to eat once we're done? i can buy this time.” 

 

yuta wants to say yes but just the question makes his chest feel tight and he has to excuse himself to the restroom. doyoung doesn't think twice about it. yuta wishes he never had to think. 

 

-

 

_ 8:46 am _

 

**_kim doyoung 7:40 am_ **

**_want to grab breakfast after class? i have a coupon for two free mini beignets with a coffee purchase._ **

 

yuta stares at the invitation on his phone screen. his chest is covered in damp dandelions and his throat feels sore. he wonders if his roommate will spare some of their honey tea for him to drink. he knows it won't cure the problem but maybe it'll soothe the pain a little. yuta sends a quick  _ yes _ to doyoung and scoots the flowers further down his bed. he prays this’ll be the worse episode of the day. 

 

-

 

_ 11:34 am _

 

doyoung is sitting in the corner of the small cafe. he's wearing a light blue sweater and yuta tries to ignore how soft he looks. his purple locks are damp from the light rain pouring outside making yuta feels relieved the younger didn't wait too long. 

 

“sorry for being late,” yuta began, sliding in the seat across from doyoung, “i wasn't feeling well earlier so i skipped my first class.” doyoung smiled softly, worry flashing across his face for a moment. yuta's chest already felt tight. 

 

“its fine, hyung. i only arrived a few moments ago myself. i did order already so i hope that's okay.” yuta nodded, drumming his fingertips on the wooden table, leaning forward slightly to rest his chin on his hand. “so, why did you want to grab breakfast?” 

 

doyoung looked away shyly, his cheeks turning a light pink as he cleared his throat. “i wanted to ask you for advice.” 

 

“advice?” yuta wasn't expecting him to ask for anything, much less advice. doyoung was normally the one yuta went to for advice, not the other way around. “yeah,” doyoung starts, “about this guy…”

 

doyoung ends his sentence abruptly as yuta breaks out into a coughing fit. the younger moves around the table to gently pat the elders back, offering his water bottle. yuta feels grateful as he tries to wash the flowers down. “are you okay?” doyoung asks, alarmed. “was it what i said? are you still not feeling well? do you want to go to the doctor's?” 

 

yuta shakes away the questions, gulping down more water, “its fine. im fine. you can continue.” doyoung nods slowly, taking his seat again while giving yuta another moment to collect himself before beginning. “its this guy in my business studies class. his name is jaehyun and i just wanted advice on how to approach him. you're good at making friends so i thought you could help me.” 

 

yuta forces a smile. “maybe ask him to study, or to be your partner in the next group project.” doyoung listens carefully, considering the options yuta had laid out before him. “okay, okay i’ll try that. thanks, hyung,” doyoung chirps, beaming for the millionth time, “you're a big help.” 

 

yuta nods, offering a smile he didn't truly feel. “no problem.” he replies, feeling sick for the millionth time. 

 

\- 

 

_ 3:49 am _

 

“they're dating, doyoung and jaehyun” 

 

yuta nods, flicking his cigarette over the railing outside jungwoo’s apartment. he moves his head to the faint sound of music from inside, ignoring the look taeyong was currently giving him. “you really shouldn't smoke. its probably why you keep coughing all the time.” 

 

he wants to laugh at taeyong’s words, because yuta only uses cigarettes as a way to cover up the flowers sprouting from his chest. nobody knows expect for himself and he rather they worry about possible lung cancer than the certainty of death from hanahaki disease. 

 

nobody knows how deeply in love yuta is with doyoung either, expect for taeyong, who seems to know  _ everything _ . 

 

“is he the reason you won't go inside?” 

 

_ they both are  _ yuta thinks but decides not to say. just watching them sitting closely on the couch was enough to send him to the bathroom to puke for an hour, until he felt well enough and could sneak away to the balcony. he was glad it was taeyong who had come to check on him. yuta wasn't sure he could face doyoung right now. 

 

“are you okay?” 

 

yuta turns to fully look at taeyong, who only stares back with concern. “i am, taeyong-ah. you don't need to worry about me.” taeyong doesn't completely believe yuta and to be honest, he doesn't really believe himself either. 

 

-

 

_ 9:21 pm _

 

_ “happy birthday to you. happy birthday to you.” _

 

yuta doesn't know why he's here. everyone is singing happy birthday as doyoung looks both terrified and excited and yuta feels the exact same way. the tiny box he has cradles in his arms holds a confession and a keepsake and he can't wait to give it to the, now dark colored, haired boy. 

 

jaehyun and doyoung had broken up over the winter break and yuta's tight chest was finally about to burst. he was ready to come forth and relieve the pain that was slowly killing his body. 

 

until jaehyun walked in. 

 

he held a bouquet of flowers as yuta watched doyoung's face light up like the fairy lights taeil had strung up around his apartment. yuta's breathing became faster, and he felt like a thousand glass shards were piercing him in the chest. the flowers started coming before he could try and stop them. yuta watched as the light left doyoung's face and panic take over before he fell unconscious. 

 

the flowers had become too much. 

 

\- 

 

_ 2:32 pm _

 

“he doesn't look good,” an unfamiliar voice begin, “he's let the flowers grow too long and while they are small, the mass of them has taken over and are constricting his lungs. its unlikely that even if his unrequited love return his feelings that the flowers would go away before his lungs cave in. i recommend you discuss this with him and convince him to get the surgery. if we wait any longer he will die.” 

 

yuta hears someone choke back a sob as another comforts them quietly. taeyong's familiar voice rings out above the sobs, “we will, doctor. thank you for the help.” 

 

he only hears the sound of fading footsteps and taeyong's faint voice as he falls back to sleep. 

 

\- 

 

_ 1:18 am _

 

this time yuta wakes up with something warm in his hand. it takes him a moment to realise its someone else's and that they're caressing their thumb over the back of his hand. when he opens his eyes, yuta is surprised to lock eyes with doyoung. 

 

“you're awake,” doyoung lurches forward, throwing his arms around yuta's chest, tears falling from his eyes. “we thought you'd never wake up, that it would kill you before you could agree to the surgery.” 

 

yuta's chest felt sharp and he gently pushed doyoung away. “please, that hurts.” doyoung reacts quickly, pushing himself back into the chair so fast yuta's afraid he'll fall backwards. doyoung doesn't, instead wiping at his eyes and muttering out a string of apologizes. 

 

“you know im in love with you.” 

 

doyoung nods, refusing to look up at yuta. “i figured that when i saw the dandelions. i’ve told you why i love them only about a hundred times.” 

 

yuta was silent and doyoung finally looked up at him. his eyes were swollen from crying and his skin looked paler than ever. yuta's heart felt heavy and he wanted nothing to pull doyoung against him and offer the younger boy comfort but yuta knew that wasn't possible. “if you had told me this wouldn't have happened. i could've..”

 

“could've what? forced yourself to return my love? reject me sooner? i didn't get the surgery earlier for a reason, doyoung. you couldn't have stopped that.” yuta frowned, looking away to try and calm his heart. doyoung didn't look away, instead he grabbed yuta’s hand again, squeezing tightly. “please get the surgery, yuta-hyung. we can still be friends afterwards. you don't have to die.” 

 

“i am.” yuta replied nonchalantly, pulling his hand away, “i am dying, doyoung, but i’ll get the surgery.” he turned back to doyoung, ignoring the way the younger boy looked relieved at yuta's words. “go ahead and get the doctor.” 

 

-

 

_ 3:04 pm _

 

“the procedure was successful. how do you feel?”

 

yuta offered up a small smile, one he truly felt. his chest no longer felt tight, only a little sore from the surgery. “i feel great,” he began, “much better than i have in a long time.” 

 

the doctor grinned, briefly going over yuta's regimen for the next few days before excuse himself. yuta had thanked the doctor before changing his attention to his friends. taeyong, jungwoo, and taeil all look bright and were already discussing who would take care of yuta while he was recovery, making him feel like a child. 

 

the only one not discussing the plan was doyoung, who instead bore his bunny-ish looking eyes into yuta. doyoung wore a bright smile, and bounced up and down slightly on his feet. yuta offered the younger one a smile, but in his heart, he felt nothing. 

  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
